He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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