the condom got lost in my hair
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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