its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
