Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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