A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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