We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
