i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
