I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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