So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I did not marry a roomba.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
