i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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