If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
