Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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