I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i dont even know how to be here
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
