Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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