I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
