Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
