i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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