We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
