she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I puked a lego.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
