Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
