If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
