goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
