I'm drive I can fine osifer
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
