____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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