His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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