if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
