I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
