More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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