We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
