Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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