When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
