I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
