ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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