This girl is more easily done than said...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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