I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
