You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
