Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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