I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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