Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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