9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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