I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
