I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
