I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
