It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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