ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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