its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
