you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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