So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
