i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The uberlube is also flammable
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
