You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
