i think my tv is drunk
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
