You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
